Mediocre People.

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FIRST:
Anyone have any music recs? Anything and everything is welcome, but I'm especially looking for something a bit more... Like, indie rock or folksy? Something like Bright Eyes?

ALSO:
Anyone wanna make me a "Semi Friends Only" banner? I like to know who wants to LJ stalk me.

I'm transfering things I've posted anywhere else since I've left to here.
I'd like to have a nice archive of all my previous blogging adventures.

ALSO~~
Should I make a writing journal? Or probably a comm, cause that's easier than having to log in and out all the time.

I'm the only one awake, and I'm downstairs. Scared rn, and moving upstairs ;_;

Does anyone still remember me?
I hope some of you do.
I've been gone for... Like, 8 months?
God that's a long time.
I tried to keep in touch, but everything has just  been crazy this year.

When I left, I said that I'd probably come back on a new account. Instead, I kept this account because I wanted to keep the friends I had. It's my way of starting over without having to go all the way back. I've had good times here and I don't want to forget them.

I left because I thought, "Hey, it's a new school year. Let go of this petty shit you're always whining about, and do some schoolwork instead of reading fics and blogging all the time."
My goal was to get out, make some new friends, and stop whining about my life to people I don't even know. I tried to get out there, I really did. But it's hard when your social position is set in stone and everyone has their own little cliques.

So now I'm back. I don't really know why, but I know I have (or had, before I up and left everyone) friends here. And maybe now when I complain, someone will listen. And I realized that maybe this is what I need. Everyone needs someone to talk to; to relate to. It's easier to relate to people from all over who have the same interests or same problems as you.

There's so much more I want to say, but I don't really know how to say it.

All I know is that things have changed, and I'm pretty sure I have too, but I think I'm still the immature, angsty teenager I was 8 months ago.

Hopefully I can pick up where I left off. And I hope I haven't been completely forgotten.

Love, as always,
Michelle

January 1st. The New Year.
The year starts in the middle of winter. A slushy, cold and apathetic season. I love winter, but only because I love snow and festivities. And snowboarding. And other things that come with snow. Sure things like no school and snow angels are nice, but what really gets me is that feeling - that brand new feeling where everything is new and flawless and ethereal. When snow coats everything and it's all undisturbed, like a comfortable silence that no one wants to break.

And then holidays, not because of presents, or no school, but because I love my family, and being able to hang out with them, and so much cheer. There's not enough happiness in the world, and I want it to stick around when it shows up every once in a while.

(You ever realize how pointless these are? I just ramble. I'll start talking about one thing, but by the end it makes no sense. Oh well, not like anyone reads them.)

But what I really consider the "new year" is the beginning of spring. Not like January when you realize, "Hey, it's the New Year," but when you look outside there's still slush on the ground and nothing on the trees. But that day where, all of a sudden you look around and really see and you realize, "Hey, the trees are budding," and the flowers are starting to grow back out of the ground, and it's sunny, and bright, and everything seems fresh. Everything seems delicate and new and it smells like life. Spring is like when I crack open a new notebook and breathe in the smell of the glue and the cardboard and ink; break out a pen and write my name on the inside cover, making it mine. 200 blank pieces of paper for my life story; for the stories of others - of Peace, Charlotte, Veronica. Of Andrew, Jake, Connor. Anything is possible.

But here's the reality: It only seems that way. I know that in time, the pages will wear out, doodles lining every margin and even whole pages. Papers ripped out to do homework on. And in the end, not much was actually used as intended.

Spring is like that, full of potential; untapped, then wasted. You have to grab hold of it. Start again. And don't let it get away.
Because once you write on that page, it's never coming off. And the possibilities, they're gone. The possibilities of new life, of a new beginning, of someone's story. Of telling a life's story, of ending one. It's going to be gone.

Like how spring changes to summer and it gets too hot to bear, and then fades away to fall and winter. It's gone. Years will come and go, and seasons cycle, and yes, there will be new possibilities, opportunities, potential. But life doesn't repeat itself. Every year is different from the next. Don't let it pass you by.

xoxo,
where I've always been.

I can't believe it's already December. DECEMBER. I could swear that last week was the first day of classes or some shit like that. I mean, I still don't even know my room numbers. I remember everything from my birthday this year. In January. So much has happened so fast. Fast Times at BMS? *insert virtual sigh*

Let's see....

May '08 - HCT 2008 Feat. PATD. It was, in short, called inspiration. Chorus and Band competition. Mall every other weekend for no good reason.

June '08 - School's out. Life's good. Adjusting into summer schedules.

July '08 - A hell of a lot of parties, a hell of a lot of birthdays. Spending too much time at the mall, at the pool, sleeping, and with Joanne. Band camp. Swim team. Warped Tour.

August '08 - Joanne's gone. Summer's lost it's shine. Spending more time at Jackie's house than my own. Beach. Pool. Party. Live it up, it's the end of our lives.

September '08 - School starts. Gag me. We had a test on like, the first full week of school. SCHOOL IS JANKED. Pleaseandthankyou.

October '08 - HALLOWEEN. Need I say more? Thankyou, thankyou. (It's honestly the only reason I live through that month.)

November '08 - BOGUS. Nothing short of amazing. TAI is one of my favorite live bands. Hey Monday was awesome, and we met Jersey. He's really sweet. Sadly, we couldn't go to All Time Low. End of tour shows are always the best. I mean, Alex gave Cat a PLANT. That's just pretty hilarious. Thanksgiving break is great. Black friday shopping is always a hoot. Got new neighbors.

December '08 - OHMYGOD. This year was just insane. I really don't know, When I was younger, maybe 5 or 6 years ago, years always took so long to pass by. But now, I don't get enough time. Sometimes I wish I could just start the day over, so it never has to end. Christmas break is going to be pretty freaking epic. Me and my two bestest friends who I've known for like, 8 years are all going skiing/snowboarding up in Vermont. Knowing me, I'll break my arm or something snowboarding. Then I'll have some time to write, maybe get some Christmas money and buy a guitar? Guitar vs. custom Nikes. Can't decide.

Winter Passing just came out. I cry every time I hear it. Go get it. TAI never fail to amaze me. Hopefully ATL will come out with that new song sometime soon.

I'm trying to plan a Grad party too. That's not going so well. I need ideas.

Personally, I think that the fact that I spew shit into this blog means I need 1. a life, and 2. friends. But whatever.

xoxo,
its dawn today.

Yesterday was the New Jersey date of Bill and Trav's Bogus Journey Tour and it was nothing short of amazing. Even though when I tried to get out of the pit either no one would lift me up or I kept getting sat on by fatasses.

I don't know if I care about seeing all the bands as much as before. I might just seek out who Delish is touring with, bring him some Pocky and chat. I think he's pretty chill, even though he probably won't remember me (or actually, us,) by the next tour date.

Sadly, I didn't meet anyone from TAI, even though I got to 'attack' Bill's hand. I did meet Jersey though, and got hugs and picture. He was amazingly sweet, and I hope he stays that way. He seems like a nice, down to earth kind of guy, and someone that would make a great friend. And he's a cute little babyface :] (*shifty* I soooo did not just say that.)

Hopefully, one day that'll be my friends and I, on tour, playing hometown and seeing people I grew up with, maybe even my sister or my parents out in the masses. Meeting people who are inspired by me, even though they don't even know me.

My mom just doesn't understand it, and it makes me cry sometimes. The high from performing, from being able to affect someone's life in a way that maybe nothing else can. To give people hope that one day they will be able to live their dreams. And she still thinks I WANT to be a lawyer.

I'm on a high right now, and even though I wish my mom would just shut up about how concerts are stupid, useless shit, even that isn't bringing my mood down while I sit here snuggled in my extra large TAI hoodie with some hot tea, reminiscing about last night. (I have a thing for gigantic hoodies. They feel homey.)

xoxo.
peace out madame,
mx.

"Hey. Hey, look at me," you said, lifting my chin up. "I don't care what you do. Just promise me one thing. Don't ever forget who you really are. Don't forget you," you whispered, the tears making your eyes shine.

"I promise," I croaked out, tears cleaning trails down my face. "I promise."

And with that, you got up and walked away.

Hey, guess what. I forgot who I am.

I know that I act like I don't mind.
But I'm sick of being the one in the background.
Let me have my time to S H I N E.
(I'm just waiting for someone to see through the facade.)

It's fun, to a point. Bullshit questions about bullshit objects.
Or just a fun way to learn about someone new. An icebreaker, I think it's called? But honestly, it really does take a while (not to mention some brainpower) to get 20 decent questions.

But when you sobered up and told me to just ask you something - something really damn serious, I didn't even have to think about it. All I had to do was look you in the eye and ask "why." It didn't have to be said as a question because even as a statement you knew what I meant.

But all you did was stare at me and then turn around, saying you'd get back to me on that one.

That was 4 months ago.

Are you ready to finish up the game?

If there are one or more people on your friends list who make your world a better place just because they exist, and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the Internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.